Superman 3
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- Written by KTP
Superman 3: I would have pictured Superman as more of a Jack Daniels kind of guy..
Superman, the film, introduced us the man that made us believe we could fly. Well, maybe not you or me since we aren't from Krypton, but it had decent enough special effects to make us wish we could. Christopher Reeve knocked it out of the park with his portrayal of the bubbling, accident-prone Clark Kent and then with the heroic and confident Superman. Gene Hackman was a pretty good Lex Luthor if you're okay with a greedy version of a millionaire megalomaniac. The second, pitted Superman against evil Kryptonians where he kicks their asses in the end using the ole’ tough guy handshake. The third film, while not the worst in the series features an evil Superman that drinks Red Label, Richard Pryor, and a cyborg. It's a wreck, but it explores the possibility of a Superman that just gets sick over everyone's shit. Hell man, if you could fly anywhere why wouldn't you stop off at a bar?
Masters of the Universe
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- Written by KTP
Masters of the Universe: Comradery through fried chicken, synth-pop, and laser whips.
Fish out of water movies tend to be fucking stupid. There are a few exceptions, like the Back to the Future series or Just Visiting, but usually they suck. Most if not all of them portray a main character as comic relief, always in shock from how other people behave in another time or place. In this regard, Masters of the Universe does not give a fuck. You want to base your movie on a cartoon depicting the struggle between a living skeleton’s army and a heroic band of renegades in the middle of Anytown, USA? Fine. He-man won’t let your stupid plot get in the way of being a master of the motherfucking universe. He’ll just use the remaining budget to shove his boot up Skeletor’s ass.
The Wiz
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- Written by KTP
The Wiz: One of the most unintentionally terrifying movies ever made.
Probably one of the stupidest decisions in this site's history was to ask others what would be a good pick for the latest addition to Shitty Cinema. Out of a list of horribly rated films from the last 30 years that included Masters of the Universe and Weekend at Bernie's II, the Wiz sat on the corner of the page like a tick on the underside of a dog just waiting to be picked...and it was. I scowled when I hit play thinking of all the fun I could have had laughing at a Bernie's animated corpse portrayed by a man with what could only be described as cerebral palsy. The movie is 2 hours and 14 minutes and I sat through all of it. I was assaulted by the never-ending onslaught of musical numbers that were almost back-to-back. I hate musicals.