Max:  JUnderstanding the burden of PTSD from a dog, weapon smuggling, and sweet bike tricks.

From just reading the tagline, “BEST FRIEND. HERO. MARINE.”, I just had to catch this movie. Well, I didn’t have to, but it was on and was on my third cocktail waiting for Rambo on HBO. The MARINE part stuck out like a fucking sore thumb. How the fuck did a dog hump a rucksack? Did the dog go to Parris Island or San Diego? Can a dog rifle qual at 500 yards? What are the cutting scores for Max to get promoted? I mixed a fourth drink and settled in, prepared for a heart-warming tale of a boy and his dog. Instead I was treated to casual racism, truck explosions, and that chick from the Gilmore Girls looking thick as fuck.

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Solo:  An autistic super-soldier’s journey into the power of family, laughter, and violence.

You can ultimately blame this movie and all like it on Universal Soldier which started this silly ass genre of the super-soldier with the heart of gold. People tried to replicate it forgetting that Van Damme and Lundgren’s rivalry is what made it great. These same people managed to create the script for Solo, rubbing their hands together so impressed by their own bullshit that they slowly pushed the script to Mario Van Peebles with shit eating grins. With Highland: The Final Dimension and Posse under his belt, I imagine that he looked at the script, shrugged, and said, “Fuck it, why not?” The rest is movie history. It’s a shame really that while Kurt Russell’s Soldier manages to whistle and walk the other way, Solo takes the fall for having a rep for being the shittiest. That’s what you get for doing handsprings in the middle of a firefight.

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Saving Christmas

Saving Christmas:  *Starring- Kirk Cameron *Executive Producer- Kirk Cameron *Narration- Kirk Cameron *Production Company- Camfam Studios…………………….Kirk Cameron

Do you have your own set of ideas and beliefs when it comes to Christmas? Are you a Christian that has been upset with all the commercialism that has rampantly overtaken the story of Jesus? Kirk Cameron is here to tell you that you are wrong and that “you’ve been drinking the Kool-aid.” Saving Christmas is the latest movie from Kirk Cameron that has performed as well as a movie could hope for in Shitty Cinema. Now as we unwrap this unwanted present under the tree of shit, Kirk wants to remind you that if you aren’t on his level of Christmas spirit, you are screwing up Christmas for everyone. Way to go, assholes.

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