Thankskilling:  More fun than sitting naked in a tub of Tabasco and glass shavings, but barely.

It’s the year 1621. The film introduces a woman running through the woods in a Quaker outfit running from some unknown pursuer with her tits spilling out of her outfit. I don't know why she's got her tits hanging out, but I think that some sort of inside joke.  Anyway, the tits bounce around for a considerable amount of time when she trips and falls on said tits. Then we get to the assailant who is a freakish puppet turkey. Holding a tomahawk and about to deliver the killing blow, he growls, “Nice tits, bitch.” I have to disagree. They were OK tits. Like if someone showed you their tits at a party, you would probably say, “Nice tits, bitch.” However, this is the fucking movies. Nice doesn’t fucking cut it. We need great tits. Oh well.


So, an ancient Thanksgiving curse was cast on a turkey sent out to murder white people in the most ludicrous fashion. A group of college kids stumble upon the turkey and gore induced hilarity ensues. There you go. That’s the plot. To be fair, most plots in horror films are pretty shitty, but the way this is delivered makes it seem as if they just ran one scene and the director said, “Fuck it. Good enough. Hurry up. I gotta get the truck back to my dad by tomorrow. Let’s get to the next one.”

It’s bad. Really bad. Not bad as in “you are a bad motherfucker” or Michael Jackson’s Bad, but bad like pop-punk or the ending of Contact. This movie feels like the cast of some live-action Disney show that started to use profanity and decided to make their own horror film. They sit around a table giggling at a script trying to come up with over the top horror moments only to pepper in farts and shit references whenever they can. The acting is atrocious, even for a camp movie and the special effects and sound feel like production was done by bored 12 year olds. I say this all from the start because unlike the previous films that are in Shitty Cinema, this film has very little redeeming entertainment value. But, if you’re looking for a movie where a man tries to stick his dick into a psychotic hitchhiking turkey, then saddle up motherfucker.