Thankskilling:  More fun than sitting naked in a tub of Tabasco and glass shavings, but barely.

It’s the year 1621. The film introduces a woman running through the woods in a Quaker outfit running from some unknown pursuer with her tits spilling out of her outfit. I don't know why she's got her tits hanging out, but I think that some sort of inside joke.  Anyway, the tits bounce around for a considerable amount of time when she trips and falls on said tits. Then we get to the assailant who is a freakish puppet turkey. Holding a tomahawk and about to deliver the killing blow, he growls, “Nice tits, bitch.” I have to disagree. They were OK tits. Like if someone showed you their tits at a party, you would probably say, “Nice tits, bitch.” However, this is the fucking movies. Nice doesn’t fucking cut it. We need great tits. Oh well.

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Ricky-Oh: The Story of Ricky

Ricky-Oh: The Story of Ricky:  Have you ever been so mad that you punched a guy's arm off?

I always wondered what would happen if Goku was a real person and he punched some dude in the face with his super-saiyan powers. Would he just knock their head clean off or would the guy just turn into instant spaghetti? In The Story of Ricky, we have the answer. Arguably the most violent martial art movie ever made, no limb or body part is safe from the insanely powerful Ricky-Oh. He can and will punch your fucking head clean off. It manages to take the cheesiest acting, the most ridiculous special effects, and some of the craziest over the top violence blended together to become one of the greatest movies my eyes have ever seen.

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Leprechaun:  Fuck you Lucky Charms!

Tea Leoni was originally supposed to get the spot of Rachel on Friends but turned it down. I can only image the scramble to get their actor. Two producers probably coked out of their minds, churn out names in a sort of shitty celebrity bingo. Suddenly another pops in the room holding a VHS copy of Leprechaun.

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