Falling Down

Falling Down:  How pissed have you been when you missed McDonald’s breakfast?

Movies where people lose their shit are guilty pleasures of mine. There are several films where there are amazing freak outs, but Falling Down devotes an entire movie to Michael Douglas rolling around in it. It is the story of a man out of his time getting pushed out by an apathetic society and lashes out at everything in the most irresponsible way possible while trying to get to his daughter’s birthday. Its fucking great.

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Transformers the Movie

Transformers the Movie:  How a cartoon designed to sell toys became one of the first steps toward adulthood.

For a young kid, the movie opens like a shotgun to the face, with the ultimate Transformer’s antagonist, Unicron, consuming an entire planet for fuel. We are shown the scale of the upcoming threat as the movie sets the tone five minutes in. The Decepticons intercept an Autobot shuttle to Earth murdering all inside. Ironhide, Brawn, Prowl, and Ratch are now corpses decorating the inside of the ship all while NGR’s Instruments of Destructions blares through the speakers. For fans of the show, all jaws were dropped. This was supposed to be a stupid show about transforming trucks made to sell toys to gullible kids. Now, the stakes were raised. The violence and action was cranked to 11 with a power metal soundtrack while children across America had their minds blown. Advertising needs to take notice. This is how you sell stupid toys to impressionable kids.

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Predator:  The amount of testosterone produced on and off the set would have gotten you pregnant.

Drop whatever bullshit that is floating in your head and think really, really hard. I want you to think of a single movie in film history that is manlier than Predator. Road House and Gladiator come close, but ultimately fail by Predator's ensemble numbers. Rocky never stood a chance. Even though it’s about a guy getting his face punched in, Rocky gets his happy ending by losing the fight and getting the girl. The Expendables is forced, relying on the standards that the older films reinforced, like....uhhh....Predator. The only way you could even consider sitting at Zeus’s table would be to assemble a team Kelly’s Heroes style. Predator doesn’t just sit at the table, it sits at the head through pure force by creating a cast built from manliness, biceps, and firepower.

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