Blade Runner 2049

Blade Runner 2049:  Even the most beautiful film needs a goddamn editor.

I’m not sure how many people wanted this sequel, but here we are and I am honestly glad that they did it. Before I talk about this one, there is a need to address the first film, or more specifically, the ending. Is Deckard a replicant? The answer to this question is shrouded in directorial hubris, fandom, and multiple special editions, but ultimately falls into two camps. The first are convinced that Deckard was essentially human and Ridley Scott shoehorned that replicant shit in to make himself look more clever than he actually is. The second camp of twelve people think that Deckard being a replicant is not retarded at all and voice this with grunts and flinging feces everywhere. Regardless of what you think or HOW WRONG YOU ARE with the ending, Blade Runner 2049 wisely leaves it ambiguous and has no real impact in the story on way or another. It also manages to be a great film.


A touching moment between two appliances.

The film take place many years into the future and looks to be an even shittier place to live. Life-like machines called replicants provide the world with a massive expendable workforce. If a replicant goes rogue, it’s up to a Blade Runner to put them out of commission. “K”, a replicant played by Ryan Gossling is one such Runner with one such assignment that eventually spirals down into a conspiracy threatening the balance between human and replicant. There are also holo-tits and explosions it that doesn’t sell it to you right away.

"I'm going for that asian messianic hipster style from that band you never heard of. I'm was also blind before it was even a thing."

This film is fucking pretty. If the visuals could be rated on their real world equivalent hot woman, this is a Scarlet Johansen of cinematography. The film shows these huge expansive shots of what the world has become. Sweeping solar farms, neon ad-ridden cityscapes, corporate enclaves and mountains of junk. Scarlet is showing off her slinky little dress just for you. There are even moments that are fucking clever from a directing viewpoint. I’m looking at you awkward sex scene that works when it has no right to. Little touches like rain drizzling through a hologram or a wall sized noodle vending machine add to building this world. That what really makes this film. The world building makes this shitty, vibrant, beautiful world believable.

"Ok. Kid. I'm back wether you like it or not. THIS time I'm going to fucking act."

Starting with the most obvious problem, this is a fucking long movie. While several scenes show how beautiful production and cinematography is in this film, they keep showing you, and showing you, and showing you. I’m not sure if the director was trying to pay homage to the original or just showing off, but you could have kept the mood and impact of the scenery while still shaving time off. This movie does not need to be running two hours and forty-three minutes. My only other gripe with the film, and please understand these are all minor, is Jared Leto. From a story perspective, the villain has reasonable goals and motivations that I can understand and respect. Jared Leto executes this on film like some sort of stupid supervillain complete with phrases straight out of a comic book. I can’t take someone stumbling around like a blind vampire with a God Complex seriously. This may be a simple prejudice after seeing Suicide Squad so take that with a grain of salt.

Even with the film chewing those fat scenes this is a stunning movie. This girl isn’t just a looker either. From the ground up, this film checks off almost all the boxes. Solid story. Amazing visuals. Well acted. Believable motivations and characters. For a film, this one is great. For sci-fi, this will be one of the greats. If you can work around the time for a three hour film you will be rewarded even if Jared Leto mumbles like a pretentious twat.