The Archive

Newcastle Mini Keg

Newcastle Mini Keg:  I'm actually pissed that this wasn't invented sooner.

Compared to the rest of advancements in human technology like computers, transportation, and medicine, the art of getting fucked up off of beer has not really moved forward as much as it should. The creation of the keg and the mighty 40oz have helped moved things forward but all we've had recently that stands out is the wide mouth lip and putting caffeine in the hooch. Kegerators and the Beertender are great, but still a little too expensive for your casual drinker. Enter the Newcastle Mini Keg that is cheap, runs an internal draught system, and can easily fit in your fridge.


Twenty bucks for 5 liters of beer is nice from the get go and being able to pour as much as you want is fucking nice for your novelty stein you never had a use of before. The draught system is mostly great as the first one I poured had a perfect head on my mug and was probably the best beer I ever had at home. It's not perfect though as some of the kegs I've been through have been almost too foamy. The mini plastic tap that it comes with isn't perfect either as it tends to drip like syphilis. This is kind of a pain in the ass without some sort of cap. Considering how much I like this keg, I think that the possibility of beer drenched vegetables is worth the risk.

Unfortunately, while Newcastle is a great beer for this (and actually better for it), the only other beer with the same packaging is Heineken. Yes, that Heineken; the beer that tastes like making out with an ashtray that has halitosis from sucking bum's assholes. I hope that other beers make the same push, but in the meantime, we have Newcastle. From all the kegs I've gone through, that is nowhere near a bad thing.