These are the movies that stand the test of time and on top with a defiant and bloodied sword in the air. 


Predator:  The amount of testosterone produced on and off the set would have gotten you pregnant.

Drop whatever bullshit that is floating in your head and think really, really hard. I want you to think of a single movie in film history that is manlier than Predator. Road House and Gladiator come close, but ultimately fail by Predator's ensemble numbers. Rocky never stood a chance. Even though it’s about a guy getting his face punched in, Rocky gets his happy ending by losing the fight and getting the girl. The Expendables is forced, relying on the standards that the older films reinforced, like....uhhh....Predator. The only way you could even consider sitting at Zeus’s table would be to assemble a team Kelly’s Heroes style. Predator doesn’t just sit at the table, it sits at the head through pure force by creating a cast built from manliness, biceps, and firepower.

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Buckaroo Banzai

The Adventures of Bucakroo Banzai across the 8th Dimension:  I’m still waiting for Buck to take on the World Crime League.

The only way I can picture Buckaroo Banzai is the opening of the Big Lebowski. “Sometimes there’s a man…” Well, sometimes there’s a script. Sometimes there’s a script that just fits for its’ time. Sometimes there’s a script that just boggles the mind how something so unique, weird, bizarre, and cool can slip through the cracks of the Hollywood checks and balance system. Sometimes there’s a script that makes all the actors involved go, “What the fuck!,” in either confusion or pure joy. Sometimes there’s a crew that gets together and takes that script and knocks it out of the park. Yes, I’m talking about the film where Jeff Goldblum wears the dumbest cowboy outfit ever, and John Lithgow calls Jonathan Banks a monkey boy.

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Big Trouble in Little China

Big Trouble In Little Chine:  “This is Jack Burton in the Pork Chop Express, and I'm talkin' to whoever's listenin' out there.”

The early drafts of the movie had the setting of a western with Chinese mysticism as the backdrop. In a rare example of a studio not fucking things up and doing their job, they asked for rewrites, and more rewrites. The original writers got the ax and it was up to W. D. Ritcher who previously directed Buckaroo Banzai to unfuck the script. Clint Eastwood and Jack Nicholas were considered as leads, but as a light descended from heaven, Kurt Russell appeared and turned what would have been just a good movie at best into one of the most endearing movies from the 80's. The film is one of the best Carpenter movies and probably the only movie where Kim Katrell is tolerable. Big Trouble stands as one of the best action films ever made.

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