The Archive

I mean....the Rock was born to smack talk on your roodypoo candy ass.

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Batman (NES):  If I had to wall jump everywhere, I would probably kill the Joker too.

Batman still stands as one of the best games for the NES in so many ways, but it sure as hell isn't for sticking close to the Tim Burton film or using a lot of reference from the comics. Looking at a ton of other comic book games for the system (Wolverine, Silver Surfer, X-Men), that's probably a good thing. In this version of Batman, he fucking loves guns, bounces off of walls to get around, and opts for industrial factories rather than the streets of Gotham. Despite all of this that might irk purists, it's still really good. Even if you took out Batman, it would still stand up as one of the best action platformers made for the system.

Actraiser:  "They won't carry this guy off the field on a stretcher, they'll carry him off in a sponge."

Traditionally most gamers fall into about three different groups. The first are your hardcore simulation players. These guys can tell you why it’s reasonable to buy a $400 dollar flight stick or show off their racing chair in front of a triple display setup. The second are your hardcore sports fanatics. You’ve probably met these people as they are probably the only fuckers to ever own a multitap so their can yell racial slurs at each other playing Fifa and the latest Madden. Then you have everyone else. In an attempt to make a sports game appeal to everyone else, Mutant League Football was created. It wasn’t the first to bridge the gap, but it was the first at being able to run into a landmine during a play, bribe the ref, or kill the entire opposing team.

I just wanted to shoot people.

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...and other things.

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The Amazing Spider-Man:  After years of shitting on Parker, a ray of light hits the current arc.

Anyone who has been a fan of Spider-Man has been through some rough times. You have the awful confusing mess of the Clone Saga, Sins Past where it was revealed Gwen Stacy had love children with the Green Goblin, and the rotten cherry on top with One More Day where in an effort to retcon Spider-Man’s history, Peter Parker makes a deal with the devil to save the life of Aunt May who should have decades ago in exchange of forgetting he’s married to supermodel Mary Jane. All in that horrible afterbirth, Dan Slott has been slugging away at Spider-Man with brute force. He gave us some good arcs like American Son, the Gauntlet, and Spider Island. Now with the latest reboot, Slott is injecting something Peter Parker has never faced before. Common sense.

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Guardians of the Galaxy: Comic Primer

Cosmic Marvel got a serious kick in the ass with Annihilation and the subsequent Annihilation: Conquest. Back at Earth, you had the underwhelming Civil War where heroes were pitted against each other over secret identities. Up in space, you had seemingly forgotten and b-list characters rise up, become total badasses, and end up stopping huge armies with scarily powerful enemies. Needless to say that Cosmic Marvel was doing the right thing by comic fans.

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Now I need to get Arma.

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Off the deep end...

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Prophet:  "A man emerges, finally awake from the long sleep of the hyperpod."

You may remember Prophet from the “extreme” 90's when chromium covers pushed sales and putting pockets on characters was the comic trend of the time. Image comics was the biggest at the time pushing their comics with a style over substance mentality. If you read Youngblood, it was one of the worst offenders where you have horribly trademarked Liefield art mixed with stories that make SuperPro look like fucking Shakespeare. Somehow, out of that pile of dogshit came Prophet which told the story of a genetically modified soldier that liked shortswords and pockets. It was just as bad and only lasted about twenty issues which should have been forgotten by time. It wasn't. In probably the best and strangest revap ever, writer Brandon Graham and artist Simon Roy hacked away at Prophet making it unrecognizable. What we are left with is a comic that feels more epic than Star Wars, more bizarre than any classic Doctor Who episode, and more of a Heavy Metal issue regular than anything that Image Comics is comfortable with.

Andre the Giant: Life and Legend:The man with the biggest body, heart, and bartab has a book that does him justice.

France gets a lot of shit for a country that produced Laeticia Casta, french fries, Jean Reno, and the foundations of American government. Its a safe bet then to say they contributed to the world in an admirable way. However, their greatest contribution came in the form of a seven foot four beast of a man that gave young wrestler Hulk Hogan a run for his money. That's right, people. I am talking about the one and only Andre the Giant. He is probably the greatest drunk to have ever lived; a reputation marred only by his wrestling celebrity. In an attempt to showcase his history and humanity, Box Brown managed to capture it in a minimalistic style in graphic novel format. Piecing together a cohesive narrative from a collection of sources and interviews, Andre the Giant Life and Legend is an awesome look at the legendary man and makes for one of the best comics to come out this year.

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Saga:  A crazy space opera with talking cats, magic, mutilated ghost babysitters, and breastfeeding.

What do you call a comic when you toss in space opera, family, open sexuality, PTSD-ridden robot things, bounty hunters, crazy ex-girlfriends, gay fish reporters, and an ongoing galactic war? Beats the fuck outta me, but you would get something resembling Saga. With Brian K. Vaughan writing the story and the very beautiful artwork that seemingly came outta left field from Fiona Staples, Saga is the one series that is worth jumping into.