Back Up Yo’ Shit: The LTN guide to sensible file backup solutions

Back Yo Shit Up:  The LTN guide to sensible file backup solutions

You probably have sitting on your computer right now files that would make you shit yourself if they were lost. That’s okay. Most everyone does. You probably haven’t done anything about it since you’re probably too busy surfing for porn or updating your Tinder bullshit. Now is the time to take measures to I’m not talking about backing up your entire computer either since there are better programs dedicated for that. I’m talking about the essential files like work and resume info, financial paperwork, or maybe some wedding photos you can’t get rid of. We’ll talk about backup strategies and practices to use to make sure you’re not fucked when your computer goes belly up.


Terry is seriously wondering why you don't have a backup strategy. Why the fuck don't you have one you asshole!?

On-site vs. Off-site Backups: On-site really just means that you have your backups performed in the same building. Wether your backups are on a USB sitting in a change jar somewhere or have a NAS backup plugged into your home network is on-site. Off-site is where the backups are performed usually over the internet and probably using a service if you are just a home user. Dropbox and other services perform this in different ways. Which one should you use? You want both to be on the safe side.

Onsite: There is nothing wrong with keeping your on a USB thumb drive or external as long as that shit is encrypted. Why? Here’s a hypothetical. Imagine that you have a basic backup of your files on an external sitting all pretty on your desk. Some asshole then decides to break into your house when you are away to take all your shiny shit and possibly have time for a snack. Munching on a delicious turkey and swiss sandwich, the thief notices your external and begins to admire the portability of the device. Now you are out of your TV, your videos games, the external with all your important shit, and one potentially delicious sandwich. Any thief worth their weight in salt will check your super unsecured external for nice things like social security numbers, tax information, and personal data. Moral of the story? Secure your shit. Diskcryptor is a great free tool if you need an external or flash drive encrypted. USB Flash security will encrypt your flash drive up to 4GB free. Keeping these encrypted is good practice, and if you have a safe or safety deposit box, it’s a smarter play to keep them there.


He's sad because he lost ihis girls smother in gold porn collection. Well...to be honest, I just googled for world's saddest person. That will be you in the search result if you don't back up.

Offsite: I never understood keeping your eggs in one basket. Who the fuck uses baskets for egg transportation? Use a goddamn carton you fucking savage. Anyway, offsite backups should be used in conjunction with your onsite methods. There’s lots of online services to use with some of the more popular being Dropbox, Google Drive, and iCloud. These are fine for pictures and recipes, but for sensitive information, these should be carefully considered. I wouldn’t really trust Apple’s security with anything, Google’s stance on this is like a friendly uncle that could eventually put it in your ass when you pass out, and Dropbox security concerns are laughable. There are better alternatives out there which I’ll cover.

Dropbox: I’ll mention this due to the popularity of the service. Dropbox is one of the easiest and most popular online backups to use if you don't give a shit about security and just want to dump a bunch of your kid's birthday pictures when your phone runs out of room. Seriously, there are reasons for concern if your entire company has been considered for inclusion into the NSA's PRISM program and Edward Snowden spoke out against their security concerns. If you want to take the plunge, it offers syncing and 2GBs free. $10 will get you up to 1TB of space and sharing. This is perfect if you want to share your ladyboy porn collection with friends you sick fuck.

Spideroak: An alternative to Dropbox, Spideroak takes a better approach to security and makes it easy for the average person to use. It also offers 2GBs free, syncing across multiple devices, and automated backups. Their paid version is pricier coming at $12 a month for 30GBs. If security is a concern, Spideroak is not a bad choice. If you have financial data or just shit you need secure, this is one of the best options.

Mega: If you have heard of Megaupload, then you might have heard about Kim Dotcom and the FBI raid in 2012. If security is a concern for your data I would probably listen to the man who still hasn't been extradited from New Zealand and even had the balls to announce Mega by reenacting the raid on his mansion with dancers. Mega offers encryption for your files out of the gate, 50GB of storage, and syncing across multiple devices for a free account. For about $10 a month your storage can get bumped up to 500GBs. If the FBI raids his shit again, at least your data will be secure.


You think those are Soundwave's friends. Fuck you. Those are old school tape backups.

Look. You’ve probably owned a computer long enough to know first hand that you understand that they will eventually fuck up and have experienced the loss of shit that was important. Whether it was family photos, school work, or vintage porn, the loss hit hard. If you take anything from this guide, just take this. Back your fucking shit up by any means or you’re going to be crying into a pillow wondering what you are going to do without pokeporn collect…..I mean tax returns on a Friday night. Cover your ass and back that shit up.