The Long Dark

The Long Dark:  There’s only so much pork and beans in the world.

Here’s a friendly reminder. Just in case you forgot with images of maple syrup and hockey, Canada is cold as shit and will fucking kill you. There’s that one movie where that Alec Baldwin and Hannibal Lector fight a bear in the wilderness which kinda sucked but made it out that being in the woods sucked even more. You had that Into the Wild movie with that retarded kid going out to the wilderness only to die like an idiot. It was in Alaska though, so close enough. There was also Strange Brew that showed how much it sucked in Canada without beer. The Long Dark is the latest in a string of survival themed games that pits you against the Canadian winter. It’s simplistic in style, easy to pick up, and ultimately leave you for dead in the snow. It’s great.


If I run like a bitch past the wolf to the shed, I might find a bag of beef jerky.

While currently in early access, The Long Dark features a sandbox mode that drops you on a random area in the remote wilderness. With a limited amount of supplies, you have to manage heat, fatigue, hunger, and thirst. There’s small homes and caches of supplies littered, but isolated and deserted. You soon find out that exploration has its own risks and while there are no people around, you are not alone. Wolves and bears can seriously take a bite outta your ass to leave you bleeding to death in the snow. That’s if you don’t starve or freeze to death first. Yeah. You’re going to die a lot in this, but each time, you learn to manage your resources and environment a little better. You get brave and scavenge a little further. You pick your fights and maybe get some pelts for your trouble. This may sound like your standard survival fare, but something about the minimalist nature of the game makes it stand out from the rest. When you are trekking through the snow, you really do get a sense that it is you and your canned peaches vs. the Canadian winter wilderness.

If you replace honey with blood, this bear is totally like Winnie the Pooh.

The Long Dark essentially strips the zombies, crazy villagers, dinosaurs, and retarded crafting to put you in one of the most atmospheric survival games I’ve ever played. Okay, well. There hasn’t been that many of them until recently, but I’m glad someone took this approach which is surprising that it took this long. This game is not for everyone, and can come off as tough, unfair, and even lonely. To those that are remotely interested in the budding survival genre or just want it without the goofy bullshit, give the Long Dark a shot.