Chappie:  An action packed Short Circuit reboot featuring Die Antwoord and robot porn.

Neill Blomkamp loves Sharlto Copley. I mean he fucking LOVES him. Ever since the duo broke serious ground with District 9, you can almost hear “When you're the Best of Friends” playing in the distance ever since. There's good reason for it as Sharlto acts as the salesman convincing the audience of the worlds that Neill builds. This next pitch is Chappie, a film about a child-like AI housed in police robot's body and raised by the bizarre duo of Die Antwoord. Does it sound like Short Circuit 3? Yes. Does it work? Mostly, yes.

Read more: Chappie

50 Shades of Grey

50 Shades of Grey:  A heart felt love story where a man attempts to create the world's most expensive prostitute.

This was probably the most awkward ticket buying experience I have ever went through second to tagging along with a friend to watch the Powder Puff Girls movie. What was even more awkward, for other people at least, was my appearance. I had almost killed a liter bottle of whiskey the night before and had that Nick Nolte look of anguish purchasing my ticket. What was more awkward were the stares from the number of women in their 40's and 50's with their “Yes, dear.” husbands as a guy who looks like he stumbled into the wrong adult movie theater finds his seat alone. Alone. I sat there from opening to closing watching this thing trying to understand what the hype was about. So how was it? For a movie about S&M, it pretty fucking boring and tame.

Read more: 50 Shades of Grey

The Interview

The Interview:  The sexual tension between Rogan and Franco is more overbearing than the political bullshit surrounding the movie itself.

So it all started with a movie that not a lot of people cared to begin with that made it the target of not only hackers, but the batshit insane regime of North Korea. It starts to get muddled here, but this movie caused hackers (who may or may have not been backed by NK) to hack into the Sony movie network (who may or may not have been administrated by someone that was probably really good at setting up their mom’s router and pretty much only that) to release a bunch of insider e-mails and rips of upcoming movies. Previously, The Interview caused Kim Jong-Un to flip his shit and declare this an act of war. This was further complicated when said hackers warned of terroristic threats against the screening causing Sony to pull their film out of theaters as well as interviews with both stars. Now a shitty Rogan/Franco movie has become political as Obama starts waving the finger at Sony. “A mistake”, he calls it scolding Sony like a kid that has been caught jerking off to pictures of My Little Pony porn. Now seemingly shamed by the leader of the free world or buying their time from a marketing perspective, Sony has made The Interview available online…for a fee of course. So if you put all this bullshit aside, how actually is the movie? It’s kinda like a watered down Rogan/Franco comedy with a few genuine funny parts.

Read more: The Interview