Saving Christmas

Saving Christmas:  *Starring- Kirk Cameron *Executive Producer- Kirk Cameron *Narration- Kirk Cameron *Production Company- Camfam Studios…………………….Kirk Cameron

Do you have your own set of ideas and beliefs when it comes to Christmas? Are you a Christian that has been upset with all the commercialism that has rampantly overtaken the story of Jesus? Kirk Cameron is here to tell you that you are wrong and that “you’ve been drinking the Kool-aid.” Saving Christmas is the latest movie from Kirk Cameron that has performed as well as a movie could hope for in Shitty Cinema. Now as we unwrap this unwanted present under the tree of shit, Kirk wants to remind you that if you aren’t on his level of Christmas spirit, you are screwing up Christmas for everyone. Way to go, assholes.


I would rather sit in Pedo-Santa's lap than listen to Cameron's bullshit.

This film is not trying to convert non-believers or spread a message to the masses. Instead, it’s seems specifically targeted for disillusioned Christians who have fell astray from Kirk Cameron’s interpretation of Christmas. After about four minutes of Kirk Cameron’s rambling before the movie even starts and several more of Kirk softballing the characters for you in more goddamn narration, we are introduced the jaded and subtly named “Christian” cynical with the holiday season. He spends his time moping around and wondering why his co-stars are bouncing around like assholes sucking down hot chocolate like they are addicts in a meth house. It is up to Kirk (yeah that’s his name in the movie) to set the record straight for Christian and Christians in the audience with his views why Christmas is great. He manages shoehorn nutcrackers, Santa Clause, and commercialism into his interpretation of how a religious Christmas should be.

"Good! Use your aggressive feelings, boy. Let the Christmas flow through you. Strike me down with all your hatred, and your journey towards the dark side will be complete!"

Holy shit is this bad. I could start trashing the shaky cam bullshit in the beginning that was quickly forgotten, the Kirk Cameron narration that seemed to take up 75% of the movie, or the black Christian whose only purpose was to be the comic relief, the asinine reasoning takes center stage. Christian, the jaded….uh….Christian, is Kirk’s vessel for bullshit. Trying to get away from the holiday cheer in his car he is forced to endure, he is hunted down like a dog by Kirk waiting to fill his head with his bullshit. We are treated to such misconstructions as imagining presents under the tree representing a New Jerusalem, Saint Nicolaus beating the shit out of someone at a bar, and a long convoluted story about the significance of the cloth Jesus was born in. The entire time, Christian is hammered with these ideas like Winston in 1984 learning to love Big Brother’s bullshit.

"Aw, Lordy. I'm just the lovable black guy saying lovable things. I don't advance the plot, but look at ME! I can dance!"

The movie is Kirk Cameron hammering his bullshit into you for a little over an hour. It’s essentially, Kirk Cameron’s, “I am right, you are wrong about Christmas.” The movie. It’s condescending, it’s vain, and should make any intelligent religious person reasonably upset. Even though many of the side characters only exist to break up Kirk’s narration, he still uses it a vehicle to shove his shitty beliefs down your throat. Yes. They are just shitty beliefs. When you try to shoehorn nutcrackers as being relevant to the story of Jesus or letting Christmas trees off the hook since God made trees and decorated them with nuts and fruit, you are already swimming in stupid waters. Kirk, can you please shut the fuck up, feed Mel Gibson some lines of coke, and let him make the better religious movie? You couldn’t do that can you since you wouldn’t be able to prance around like an asshole in front of the camera, you egotistical fuck.