Jurassic World

Jurassic World:  Dino Park II goes to shit while Chris Pratt strengthens his resume.

Raise your hand if you like dinosaurs and violence. Since that should be every hand in the room, it's a fucking no brainer that we need to pump out a sequel to the king of all “dinosaurs get out of the park and murder people” movies. As much as Jurassic Park was loved, you'd be stupid not to make the sequel. Since they have already made two that everyone wants to forget, a revamp was definitely in order. Also, now that Chris Pratt is flying high with all that action hero money, he's the safe bet for your lead if you want to up the ante on your Dino murder movie. How did it go? Well, if you like dinosaurs and violence, just turn off your brain and you’ll be fine. The rest of you will have to wade through a dino-sized pool of stupid to get to the decent parts.

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Furious 7

Furious 7:  How a franchise fueled by fast cars, NOS, and biceps created one of the most emotional scenes on film.

I remember watching The Fast and the Furious back in the day and wrote it off as that car flick with one pretty well done action scene and a douche vibe layered on top. This was shit that you watched while wearing your Affliction shirt, drinking Miller, and smacking your girl's ass in front of your friends. It wasn't until three days ago that a decision to watch ALL of the films prior to the seventh had been decided. Delving into one of the worst named series in the history of cinema closely followed by Step It Up and Friday, it turned into a strange journey.

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Chappie:  An action packed Short Circuit reboot featuring Die Antwoord and robot porn.

Neill Blomkamp loves Sharlto Copley. I mean he fucking LOVES him. Ever since the duo broke serious ground with District 9, you can almost hear “When you're the Best of Friends” playing in the distance ever since. There's good reason for it as Sharlto acts as the salesman convincing the audience of the worlds that Neill builds. This next pitch is Chappie, a film about a child-like AI housed in police robot's body and raised by the bizarre duo of Die Antwoord. Does it sound like Short Circuit 3? Yes. Does it work? Mostly, yes.

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