Blade Runner 2049

Blade Runner 2049:  Even the most beautiful film needs a goddamn editor.

I’m not sure how many people wanted this sequel, but here we are and I am honestly glad that they did it. Before I talk about this one, there is a need to address the first film, or more specifically, the ending. Is Deckard a replicant? The answer to this question is shrouded in directorial hubris, fandom, and multiple special editions, but ultimately falls into two camps. The first are convinced that Deckard was essentially human and Ridley Scott shoehorned that replicant shit in to make himself look more clever than he actually is. The second camp of twelve people think that Deckard being a replicant is not retarded at all and voice this with grunts and flinging feces everywhere. Regardless of what you think or HOW WRONG YOU ARE with the ending, Blade Runner 2049 wisely leaves it ambiguous and has no real impact in the story on way or another. It also manages to be a great film.

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Ghost in the Shell

Ghost in the Shell:  Plug my brain into a ScarJo bot, please.

For fans of Ghost in the Shell, it would be best if you just kept walking. You are not going to like this. It’s not that it’s a bad film, it’s just that it keeps enough of the plot from the source material that have the name of the franchise, but not much else. For everyone else that just wants to see Scarlet Johansson wearing skin tight outfits shooting robot’s faces of in a cyberpunk future, here you go.

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John Wick Chapter 2

John Wick Chapter 2:  Kinda like wanting 5 Guys but getting Carl’s Jr. instead.

Now just fucking hold on for a second. They didn’t forget your fries, you got your straws, and there’s plenty of napkins. Your order came out right and there’s half a fist of ketchup packets next to your grease potatoes. Everything is fine. Carl’s Jr. is fine. You are going to have a good meal. It’s easy to sulk that YOUR WIFE COULDN’T DRIVE 10 MORE FUCKING MINUTES FOR A CAJUN STYLE FRY HOLOCAUST IN YOUR BAG BECAUSE SHE WAS TIRED, but hey, you are still coming out of this a winner.

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