Age of Ultron

The Avengers: Age of Ultron  How the Most Beautiful Woman in the world learned to love a Giant Green Monster.

The summer blockbusters have fired their opening salvo. As a precursor to the event, Furious 7 couldn't have predicted its ridiculous billion dollar 3 week run. Seriously. Holy shit. Now Age of Ultron has answered the call looking to set another example with superhero friends fucking up bad guys. Is it good or not? If you are a fan of comics or the Marvel movies, it's great. If you are walking into the movie with little to no experience with superheroes in general, it's still great but confusing as fuck. Let me explain for someone who has no background in Marvel comics.


Ladies. Ladies. Ladies.

Age of Ultron takes place a sometime after the events of the movie Captain America: Winter Soldier where the supercop agency SHIELD is more or less disbanded. This leaves a super soldier with a shield, some dude in robot armor, a lightning god with a scary hammer, some dude who's really good with bows and arrows, a super hot super spy, and the Hulk to save the world from super threats. They're called the Avengers and they're responsible for beating up bad guys and causing real estate insurance rates to go through the fucking roof. Being on the hunt for the remaining Hydra/Shield bases around the world (it's a long story) they come across the last base that contains an evil guy with a monocle, a super fast guy with bleached hair, and some chick that does weird mind control magic shit. They fight but not before the magic chick fucks with the head of robot armor dude, planting the seed for creating an advanced AI and accelerating the plot. Robot armor dude means well and creates the AI without worrying about ethics, consensus, or common sense. The artificial intelligence Ultron that is super pissed and wants to totally fuck everything up. It's up to Hulk and friends to not only work out their differences as a team, but to stop Ultron and reveal a new character for Marvel fans.

Yo dawg. We heard you like armor so we put armor inside your armor so you could....oh fuck it.

To get the most out of this movie, there's a list of shit you need to see before any of it resembles a cohesive idea. Iron Man 1-3, Captain America and Captain America: Winter Soldier, Thor 1-2, and the first Avengers make a big list. They are enjoyable in their own way, but it may be daunting for anyone just walking in to make sense of all the characters and references. And, holy shit, there are a ton of fucking characters to keep track of. The side plot with the Black Widow and the Hulk is kinda weak and a little unbelievable. You're a super hot super spy and what turns you on is a skinny Mark Ruffalo who saves CGI time by doing super science. Not buying it. You want the giant green guy that is super pissed, could bench more than Arnold in his prime, and probably has a dick the size of a frat keg. I could be wrong.

It's nice to actually embrace Spader's acting when you don't see his creepy bald head.

Despite this, Age of Ultron has exactly what a summer blockbuster needs. The action is insane, and it's sprinkled with a decent enough plot, solid performances (especially Ultron/Spader), and enough humor to keep it from being overbearingly serious. It's a fun movie and even if you don't have the enormous backlog of Marvel films under your belt, you should still enjoy it if you love action films. There are probably a few of you wondering if it's better than Guardians of the Galaxy. Fuck no. What are you, fucking high? You should still watch it.